Examples of Making Amends in Recovery Addiction Resources

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One very effective way to make amends is to go to treatment. At FHE Health, you’ll learn more about Step 9 and how to handle the worst of experiences. For many, this is one of the most important components of recovery, because it allows them to work on rebuilding their relationships and letting go of those they cannot repair. Our team works closely with you throughout this process to help you achieve your goals in recovery. I am very sorry for stealing money out of your desk in order to fund my drug habit last year.

Advance Directive Forms

The Twelve Step recovery process incorporates making amends as a crucial element. It’s about facing reality, acknowledging specific errors, and committing to change past behaviors. This process of restitution is not merely a checkbox exercise, but a key contributor to personal growth and recovery.

aa 12 step what is a living amends

When Do You Start Making Amends in Recovery?

What Is Step 8 in AA? – Alcohol Addiction – Verywell Mind

What Is Step 8 in AA? – Alcohol Addiction.

Posted: Wed, 03 Jan 2024 08:00:00 GMT [source]

When my husband misses a turn because he’s in the wrong lane, I say nothing. When he runs out of medicine because he didn’t call the doctor for a refill, I trust he has the intelligence to solve his own problem. When he handles a situation at work “the wrong way” I keep my opinion to myself. How blessed we are to become free from our past, and given the gift to help free another.

aa 12 step what is a living amends

Substance Abuse and Mental Health Disorders

For example, Dr. Bob, one of the original founders of the AA program, could not stay sober until he went around town and made amends to all those he had hurt. People get tired of broken promises, of forgiving over and over and giving second and third, fourth, or fifth chances only to get hurt again. When you’re looking to change both your behavior and your broken relationships, stop making excuses to fulfill your promises.

However, in the context of grief recovery, David Kessler, in his book Finding Meaning, talks about the importance of living amends as a tool for grief healing. In particular, he discusses how to heal when the person we need to make amends with is no longer living. When the person you owe reparations to has died, you can still make living amends by changing things about you and how you live your life.

The Role of Step 9 of the Twelve Steps

The initial 7 steps are about inward self-reflection and transformation, while steps 8 and 9 focus on fixing interpersonal relationships. Step 8 is confronting living amends your mistakes and making a list of people you have hurt with your negative actions. Step 9 is about meeting with those people to actively redress the wrongs.

Patient Care Network

If making amends requires the recovering alcoholic to report a past crime, they must be willing to go to jail to complete this step on their road to a complete and limitless recovery. From the steps leading up to nine, recovering alcoholics begin to develop tools to handle stressful situations without liquor and believe in a Higher Power greater than themselves. Having a sponsor helps with the ninth step, as sponsors work side-by-side with recovering alcoholics and help determine how to handle making amends. Many sponsors bring an awareness of why individuals are motivated to express amends and can question the beneficial purpose of sharing such information from the past. Perhaps, the amends that you wanted to make might not seem right after discussing with a sponsor. However, these promises are usually the result of deep feelings of shame, guilt, and regret and may not be genuine for some.

What’s the Difference between Making Amends and Offering an Apology?

  • Many who lived with addiction have past behaviors they’re not proud of.
  • In Twelve Step terminology, another word for “amend” is “fix.” Not the fix we might have chased back in the day, but a fix to a broken relationship.
  • To help, we’ve compiled a list of examples of making amends in recovery that deal with ambiguous scenarios.

In fact, every day I make a living amends to my husband, son, Mom, and brother Ricky. Living amends show others your continued dedication not only to sobriety, but also to working on yourself and your character defects. For example, if you are quick to anger or have trouble following through with promises, these are areas you can continue to work on in sobriety. Your loved ones will not only notice your sobriety but also the personal progress you have made. Living amends is a third option for those in the ninth step of recovery. With this option, the individual in recovery takes steps to improve their relationships and demonstrate their lifestyle change.

When and Why Do People Make Living Amends?

  • You can start making amends by showing up, even if it’s years later, to do the things you said you’d do.
  • Additionally, if we continue to make the same choices, it causes us to use our minds to feel righteous about choices and make the other person wrong for feeling hurt or deserving of our choices.
  • An effective acknowledgment is free from excuses, focusing solely on the harm caused rather than attempting to justify the behavior that led to it.
  • As with alcohol and other drugs, we are also powerless over other people.
  • So, to truly make amends, we have to offer more than words.

The first step is to know that your questions and feelings are normal. The goal in making amends is “to freely admit the damage we’ve done and make our apologies,” according to The Big Book. In some cases, making amends may mean paying or promising to pay “whatever obligations, financial or otherwise, we owe,” the Big Book also states. We are seeking accountability for our own actions and holding ourselves to the standards of our own values and our 12 Step program.

An Amend, Not an Apology

aa 12 step what is a living amends

Thus, it only makes sense that step nine is a response to step eight, which involves making a list of all the people that you have harmed and become willing to make amends to all of them. Step eight is preparation for the action of step nine, which involves putting your recovery into action. Making living amends can take on many different forms depending on the relationship to those affected by the wrongdoing.